User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/The Zodiac Killer vs Jack the Ripper - Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 4
Go here to celebrate Jude and go here to celebrate Chirstmas before you celebrate my shitty writing. Hi everyone. I’m The Flatwoods Monster. And I’m an asshole. Welcome to the newest installment of Epic Rap Battles of Horror. Real killers! I've only done this twice I think! So that's... cool? So a lot of people wanted The Zodiac Killer vs different foes and I get that but GM kinda pointed out that there is no real connection on most of them other then just “murderers”. I was unhappy with my writing with Jack the Ripper in his first appearance so I’ve decided to give him a reboot. Todays battle features the unidentified serial killer, Jack the Ripper, facing off against the unidentified serial killer, The Zodiac Killer to see which serial killer has the most serial killer lines. This battle features a very special guest, Tigger as the Zodiac Killer, and I must say he did an amazing job at kicking my ass so major props to him. special thanks to Dragon for spoiling this whole thing on chat. I don’t have much to blubber on about other then that next battle is penultimate, and then it’s the finale, so get ready m8’s. My writing is still cheesey as hell. Opening A young girl is seen running throughout London streets. She makes frequent twists and turns in an attempt to lose her chaser. The attacker cannot be seen - even in his broadest of movements, he is but a mere shadow, running through the dark, never making any mistakes. The girl knew the race would end inevitably in one fashion - She would slip up, and never be seen again, for her predator is no less than the infamous Jack the Ripper of London, and she was nothing more than his next target. As she began to run out of options, she quickly turned the corner and exited the city, out into a large pasture, overlooking a lake. The air became hazy and grayscale, and the world itself began to turn a sepia tan. None of this mattered to the young girl as she continued to dash from her pursuer, now quickly gaining on her. She looked behind her to see the man quickly catching up, but unfortunately lost track of her path, and drove straight into another man who wasn’t looking her way either. Upon collision, she fell to the ground and knocked her head on a rock, falling unconscious. The second man turned around slowly, pulling a pistol out from his belt, cocking it backwards and nonchalantly aiming at the young girl. He is The Zodiac Killer. He lingers his scopes on her for a quick minute. The scene falls silent. This silence was soon broken by the sound of a man’s footsteps gradually becoming louder through the grass. The man wears a tall long overcoat, and holds a hat over his head, keeping his face obscured by darkness. “Back off, sack face. She’s mine.” A deep, hoarse voice rings out from the caped man. “Sack face huh. Just… Sack face. That’s the best you’ve got. Sack face.” “Okay admittedly it wasn’t the best insult ever, but srsly. Back away from my kill if you expect to leave here alive.” “She ran into me, so I should get to kill her.” “Yeah, well, I saw her first” “Bruh you can't call dibs on a victim like you would a cookie” “Yeah well too bad I'm doing that anyways” “Under what authority?” “Don't you know who I am? Jack the Ripper! The famed notorious shadow of London!” The masked criminal observed his opponent and analyzed his arsenal. “You’ve got a kitchen knife. Does your kitchen knife fire bullets? Because if not then you’re probably gonna have a bad time” He says as he pulls out his revolver again and points it at the girl “AH FUCK THIS.” The Ripper then tackles the Zodiac away from her, as they land in their respective backgrounds. “Stand your ground, creep!” Intro Beat: Make Me Laugh Pt. 4 Announcer EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR! VS! BEGIN! The Battle 'Jack the Ripper:' You know the blood rides clean when I step to the shy Green You’re not frightening, your only crime scene is your rhyme scheme The posters flash a poser Jack, take over tracks and it’s over fast Blind Man’s Bluff - Messing with the best of what he’s mediocre at No chaps for this asshat, the only sack is this loner’s cap Can’t attack back, the last laugh begins with “Dear Zodiac,” One tip - Don’t give me lip. Ribs split ‘fore this brit quits Join the canonical six and here lies Slender Man - RIP-ped 'Zodiac Killer:' This is Zodiac speaking, this whoresbane’s my game today After this knave’s slain, he’ll be raised another slave to my name Bring a knife to a gun fight, and you’ll find I’m not frightened By a limey who can’t decide on being Erecter or Mike Tyson Shots: I take one, make one, then skin Jack to a Leather Apron Have this craven taken back to the Hell that he came from I’ll butcher a Victorian like he butchers how he handles bars ...But what’s that? Under that hat, it’s Chaplin with a handlebar (Knowing that his identity has been revealed, Jack the Ripper removes his hat and coat, revealing himself to be the serial killer H. H. Holmes.) 'H. H. Holmes:' So you’ve cracked the case! I’m sure the world is in pure shock But you’ve forgotten who’s the Holmes here. No shit, Sherlock! Clever work! But this tattle is mere baby steps in this battle, The Beast from Whitechapel is the King of his own Murder Castle! Play H’s way and slay a stray, grey prey like Farraday Mustached Chaplin? Better than the MLG KKK The news has spread- The never-caught Zodiac Killer found dead! Even if you killed all you claim, I’m a hundred and sixty three steps ahead 'Zodiac Killer:' Ah, the Hotel! Where this faux foe won’t even land blows up close Dissection is his medicine, and he’s now up for a lethal dose A con artist devising ploys, but he can’t purloin the show Where am I? Nobody knows, while your neck met the rope I’m the paradigm of errant crime, entitled to reach Paradice While you’re extorting tiny fortunes, I have SFPD terrorized Your attention defective, you left the cops neglected, got arrested, To be successfully contested when a Winchester has you bested 'H. H. Holmes:' My horror scopes your horoscope when this whore scopes for me Step into my Hotel and relive an American Horror Story Check the London Times, and it’s revealed by any reporter, “Sick Serial Psychopath strikes again - Beats found murdered” 'Zodiac Killer:' His Castle under seige, Time to end his Haunted History. That was a conflict of eese. Now a letter to the police I am the murderer of holmes thinks about him you should know 1 0 shots were fired 2 he still could not crack my code Announcer: WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR! Ending The two killers drew their weapons and began pacing in a circle, both awaiting a beginning strike to be countered. Before the blow could be delivered to either party, the sound of a siren cut it all short and the two criminals gave each other one final glance of “fuck you” before heading off to their next hiding spots. The sirens were cut and four men in black suits stepped out. They brought out a stretcher and hoisted the still unconscious girl onto it, before placing it in the van and driving off. Back in their respective work departments, two FBI detectives were working the case to find the murderer of the late Alice Liddell. However, after a short series of questions, it was later revealed that the woman in question was Emily Rose, and had no relation to the Madotsuki case. Madotsuki was last seen in Nebraska, shortly disappearing again after the seemingly spontaneous combustion of a cornfield. The case continues. Outro haha #SorryGM Who won? H. H. Holmes The Zodiac Killer What battle needs another round in S5? Sinister vs Insidious Skin Taker vs Buffalo Bill Edward Scissorhands vs Sweeney Todd Other (pls specify) None HINT TO THE NEXT BATTLE: Category:Blog posts